On July 11, 2008 my dad died from a horrific disease Stevens Johnson Syndrome. It has no cure and they hope it works through the body and then the person gets better. In his case, it covered almost 95% of his body by the time he could fight no longer. As we walked through the next few days, I thought ahead to the "first" holidays without dad and figured they were a long way away.
On Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, I realized that these past months went very quickly. As I awoke, I gave thanks that mom had come down the night before to help us get ready for the day. I think just having her around was a great way for me to prepare. We were only going to be a group of six folks but I wasn't sure what to expect. I decided I wanted to go for a run in the morning and not wanting to focus on the "pain" of running, I decided to think about dad. I began to create a list of thanks to God for how God had blessed my life through James H. Abbott Jr. Though I didn't finish the list on the road, I'd like to share what I did think of and add a few more. It won't be a complete list as I continue to reflect on the many ways that dad impacted and empowered my life, but it's a beginning.
God,
Today I give you thanks for my dad and the special times we had together...
- For getting us involved in rabbits and though I wasn't real good about feeding and cleaning them you still shared them with me in love. I will always remember the fairs, the best of show, ohJ, the new friends we made who also showed rabbits.
- For giving me a chance the day that Russell and I made a really dumb decision. I figured I'd be punished for weeks but you figured I had learned enough and anything you did wouldn't be beneficial. By doing nothing, you did everything.
- For driving from Bath to Winthrop in the spring when I played baseball for the team the Gulls. We were horrible and only one two games but you were always supportive and willing to drive the hour each way to see some really bad baseball.
- For taking me with you on those weekends when we opened Mechuwana and for being the director for three years. Had you not been the director there I am not sure if I would have come to know the power and presence of God, not only on that holy ground, but also in my life. It was at Mechuwana that I struggled with what it meant to be called by God.
- For crying when I graduated from the University of Maine. I tell folks that was the first time I saw tears in your eyes and it meant a great deal to me as your son. I knew I had done good when I saw your smile moistened by tears. It gave me the freedom to share my tears with my boys, both of sadness and joy at very important moments in all of our lives.
- For going to Washington DC for my Doctoral graduation. I wasn't all that interested in the event until Lisa pushed me to go and when I saw your determination I began to give thanks to God that we could share it together.
- For your loyalty to your doctors. Though we will always disagree on it, you did show me that we've got to trust in folks, especially when we don't know. At the same time, I want to thank you for being willing to get a second opinion or two as we struggled with your cancer.
- For teaching me that if there is something we can't fix or change, we can't let it take up our life. If we can do something about it, great, do it. If we can't, use the time to make a difference somewhere else. When I've been worried about decisions that others are making, I've let go and done other things, knowing I couldn't impact thier choice. It saved me a great deal of "worry time".
- For supporting mom in her many ministries. You showed me that it's just as important to be the support person as it is to be the person on the move. Your grace and love of that role helped me to pull back and allow others to do "their thing". It has been a blessing as I've witnessed some amazing things.
- For loving me as me. For telling me again and again that you loved me and for telling me whenever you could that you were proud of me. In a world where love is sometimes a scarce commodity and folks would rather tear you down than build you up, you helped me to understand that love is always in abundance and encouragement should be shared whenever you've got the chance. I end every conversation with my boys by telling them I love them and never miss a chance to let them know how awed I am at the great things they are doing.
There are many more things to which I give thanks to God for my dad and I'll continue to lift them up as often as I can. I realize that for some folks, "dad" was a word that had no meaning or only negative images. Dad and I did tussle and disagree but whenever I say "dad" my eyes tear up but my heart fills with love and thanksgiving.
Yes, the holidays are here. Yes, it is a challenge to be without him. Yes, I am very blessed to have a mom who is just as great as my dad was. And yes, if you haven't told your parents, or those who raised you, that you love them, don't waste another minute for you never know when you'll only be able to say it in a prayer.
I love you dad!
(The picture is of our family at a family reunion last summer.)
1 comment:
A powerful piece of writing, Dave.
Thank you!
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